In Denial of God's Path for You: Submitting to His Will and Trusting Him Despite Your Fears
Updated: Jun 22, 2020
"What are you in alignment with? Fear or Faith?" - Ashley, Slay Girl Slay Podcast
All throughout college, I have struggled to find the perfect career. I started school pre-dental with a set path before me:
1. Major in biology
2. Minor in chemistry
3. Participate in as many dental clubs as possible
4. Complete research at the local dental school
5. Work & Volunteer
6. Ace your classes
7. Shadow a dentist
And the list goes on and on and on...
The pre-dental life was stressful. I was unhappy. I hated my science classes and I cried frequently. I was often exhausted and felt like I was over-exerting myself in extracurriculars. There was so much pressure to one-up the person next to you because both of you were in competition for the same spot. I was miserable in my chemistry and biology prerequisites, and to be frank, no matter how hard I worked, I struggled to make good grades (something I will surely elaborate more on in another post).
Despite all of my troubles, I was determined to go to dental school, a dream I had since I was in sixth grade. I was so blinded by the career and the future, that I was struggling to deal with my present moment. I had failed to realize that I had placed school as my only priority which left my spiritual journey suffering.
Whenever I thought about praying, I would ask God to let me get into dental school, to help me make an A on my test, to allow me to do well in this one class. I never sought out God's direction. I told Him my path and I placed an expectation on Him to get me there.
I was in the habit of trusting the system and relying on my own set plans...plans, I had yet to consult God on.
I kept up this unhealthy habit all throughout my freshman, sophomore, and half of my junior year. I was weary and I was tired. For the 5th straight semester, I had failed to make a good grade in my biology class and I was ready to give up. My GPA was suffering, but my pride wouldn't let me leave the pre-dental lifestyle.
I loved how it felt to tell other students, faculty, and friends about my STEM major. It always felt like I was more important when I told someone that I was pre-dental. I loved the feeling I got when my grandfather would brag and tell our family and friends that his only granddaughter would be a dentist. I felt important. I truly believed that STEM and healthcare were the only places I could gain some respect and feel valued.
Then I resulted in comparing myself to others. I didn't understand why the journey was so hard for me and not other people. I thought my grades were going to improve by my junior year, but instead, things still weren't working out. I wasn't seeking God's direction, and I was fighting with Him constantly about my path.
However, it was during this time that I began to have an internal battle. I was in my 6th semester, just starting off my Junior spring term taking organic chemistry 2. I had no friends in the class and I was often confused in the 200+ person lecture. Office hours weren't helping and my motivation/strength to continue this habitual semesterly struggle was depleting.
I longed for a change. I wanted to see what it would feel like to take one semester at school where I gave STEM a break. I hoped to rekindle my passion and drive to keep going, but I continued with the class and tried my best to see it through.
It wasn't until early February 2019 when I sat in my room crying over my organic chemistry homework for the thirtieth time that I decided to follow my heart. I opened my computer and logged into my school's online portal and dropped the class--- one of the best decisions I have ever made.
For the first time, I felt freedom. I was in courses that I cared about. I was able to hang out with friends. I slept 7 hours a night and the tears decreased significantly. I was so happy that I came to an understanding that I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to finish out my undergraduate career taking more STEM courses that I hated, so I decided that it was time for me to make the switch.
I always loved history and somewhere along the way to my junior year I had decided to pick up a history minor, then a double major until finally I dropped my biology major and declared myself a U.S. History major with minors in African American Diaspora Studies and Medicine, Literature, and Culture.
Within my studies, I was exposed to the social determinates of health, historical disenfranchisement within minority communities, the history of medicine, and women's issues. I learned about oppressive systematic problems in the United States that made certain groups more vulnerable than others. I found myself loving this area of education and especially maternal and child health issues.
With my growing passions and a few internships later, I decided I wanted to pursue a career focusing on women and minority health. I had a desire to serve my community and the less fortunate to address and eradicate health disparities for marginalized groups. I did some research and eventually, I decided to apply for my Master of Public Health (MPH).
During this time, I had begun to change my praying routine. I started to ask God to direct me in the path He would have me to go. I begin to ask Him to show me what I should do. I knew that if the MPH was something meant for me, then I would receive an acceptance and things would work out fine.
Eventually, I was accepted, and I will start in my MPH in the fall with a concentration in maternal, child, and family health!
This journey showed me the power of releasing all control to God and the importance of letting go! Giving God control and being a willing vessel for His Kingdom is essential to experience freedom. By releasing worry, you are acknowledging your trust in Him.
Do I still overthink my future? Yes! Absolutely, I am human; however, I understand the importance of seeking God when these feelings arise. Understanding that you are exactly where you need to be in this moment, allows you to surrender to an unmatched feeling of comforting peace.
While on your journey throughout college, it's okay to ask God to intervene in your life but ask in a way that seeks HIM! Having the willingness to surrender will help ease your burdens and your mind. Surround yourself with good friends who are doing the same thing and all things will work out in due time. You are right where you need to be and continue blooming where you are planted!
Trusting Him Daily.
Blooming where planted.
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